Goodspeak News: Election Edition

The results are incontestable; President McWinn narrowly defeated Comrade Ircarthy in one of the closest E-lections in Subtopian history to remain in power for another term. Touchscreen electronic voting--sponsored by Righteous Life Technology--has clearly identified that Subtopians want a change of direction, and Comrade McWinn is just the leader to take us on a new duct toward more prosperity, more pleasure and more protection. "It's a dangerous world out there, and I will do everything to protect Subtopians in this historic time."

McWinn: "I will show Ircarthy for who he really is: a badspeak naysayer weak on protection

(sns) President McWinn, moments before today's scheduled debate with challenger Ircarthy, announed that his opponent is "an appeaser" who would negotiate with the Evilians and fail to stand up against foreign and domestic threats to Subtopian security. "Ircarthy has never served in the SPD forces, nor has any understanding of what it means to defend the motherland. The only Evilians he's ever seen are the public lazerazations in the MegaBattleArena, or the 'Evilian Slaughter' screen at Virtu-Mall." Ircarthy could not be reached for comment. Commentators, pundits and BattleAnalyists are all ready for today's debate, sponsored by Righteous Life's Soothalators and Happiness Creme.

Election heats up: Ircarthy demands formal debate

(sns) Former Subtopian President Ircarthy demanded that President McWinn participate in a tagteam debate with him sometime before the Cari 14th election day. "McWinn is a good man, an upright Subtopian dedicated to Republicrat principles, and I do not question his patriotism. However, there comes a block in everyone's life when they must defend their policies and answer the criticisms they are charged with." Ircarthy spoke to a small gathering of doubleplusenthusiasts in T-flats NE last times. The Goodspeak News mislocuted President McWinn for a response. Presidential press secretary Mac Scotland--surrogatespeakman--told the GoodSpeak News that McWinn wants "an honest debate, not dishonest attacks on my administration. Look for the Politi-Maxi-Battle of the Blockage!!

The Subsurface Queen Reigns Once Again

The reigning subterreanean beauty smashed the competition yet again. The lovely Msr. Bec Ca Bec rated first in all nine truth categories: beauty, talent, patriotism, econometrics, hypnopadiaic memonics, loyalty, poise, confidence, and Republicrat philosophy. Msr. Bec will tour the whole of Subtopia for the next five blocks. The gracious and teary-eyed beauty vowed to continue her reign with "all the dignity and pride of Subtopians everywhere." She also promised to work diligently for whirlled peas."

Dissidents captured; McWinn promises "swift justice, zero tolerance for subversives"

(sns) Subtopia intelligence has uncovered a "small, but dedicated" terrorist group in our peaceful subterranean community. SPE reports that these "undisciplined" adolescent activities pose no real threat to national security, but the quick action on the part of patriotic Subtopians who informed authorities are to be "praised and commended" for their help in preserving stability, security and prosperity for their fellow Subtopians. One such loyalist, a former member of a dissident group, Rizeer, was the central informant, and will be honored today with the "Diamond Star of Patriotism" in a ceremony conducted at the Ad-Ministry by our glorious leader, President McWinn.

the GoodSpeak News

Virtu-Mall Closed! Power non-success in sec12 blamed.Subtopian Peace Enforcers help Consums to safety at Virtu-Mall


(sns) Subtopians will have to find other diversions while SPE services rectify Solgen at Virtu-Mall. The popular coolstopshop will not be available for an unspecified block; Consums are encouraged to spend more at MegaFunLand or ConsumCity. SPE reports that proles were "calm but disappointed," as they were assisted to safety. "I'm maxibummed," said Rizeer 34, a Consum who spends his daily diversion block exclusively at Virtu-Mall. "Virtual Reality is somuchcoolness than real reality," he plussed.

The GoodSpeak News: Special Edition

Well, well, well. It seems that the government's most eligible official, the lovey Viceroy Pamella, is on holiday at an undisclosed location. Our inside sources tell GoodSpeak News that the voluptuous Miss P is honeymooning with a certain Gladi-Battle-ator of heartstopping physique and muchhandsomeness. The WesFronter proles will have to do without their attractive Viceroy until she returns. Or, perhaps, she'll be on permanent holiday . . . oh endless love!

The Daily GoodSpeak

the Daily GoodSpeak

Subtopian topographers complete "most accurate" map yet of Subtopia

New borders explored; forbidden zones identified

(sns) President and Comrade-in-Chief McWinn today announced that the five-block plan for charting the whole Subtopian realm has finally been completed. Subtopian topographers, gathered together under former Comrade-in-Chief IrCarthy, say the long effort has produced doubleplusgoodness beyond measure. "We now know where the sediment superstructures are weakest, where we must buttress and bolster cavern walls to insure structural integrity, where to build more T-fLats and pedoports."

Meanwhile, Consumcity is having the biggest sale in many blocks. Everything you unneed is available now for the taking. Buy now and SAVE SAVE SAVE!




Hail to thee, Subtopia!

The Goodspeak News!

Good morning, Comrade

This Subtopian news report is sponsored by Righteous Life's Unsick pills. Remember, you can take cheaper unsick pills, but don't you deserve to live a "cut above?" Doubleplusgoodness, that's Righteous Life!



Report from the SuperLane: President McWinn announced yesterday that great progress is being made on the SuperLane Project. "There's still a lot of work to be done," Comrade McWinn said, "but everyday we make progress toward our goal. I want to thank all the citizens who have worked so hard to build this Subtopian dream." When asked by a Goodspeak reporter when our Glorified Comrade thought the project might be complete, McWinn replied, "When the job is done; not a block sooner, nor a block later."


Report from Consumcity:

Great buys on all necessary convenience products . . . if you can't find it in Consumcity, you don't need it! New musik from Beatbox Push and the Repetitions! Stay kinked, buycool.


Report from Virtu-Mall:

New libidosim now open for you pleasure, amusement and diversion! Why delay gratification? Subtopians deserve happiness!

A world is only strange if you're not born into it; nor is it familiar unless you are.

You grow up, learn the lessons of your world at all the appropriate times. Then one day it's an itch in your mind, or maybe the itch was there all along, but you notice it. Your attention is called to it, and curiosity is aroused . . . that is, if it's not already been extinguished within you. What's the truth of our existence? What really is happening in the world? How does it really work beyond the narrow confines of your daily life? We may choose to accept the presentation of reality, or search, perhaps with some sacrifice, for some deeper truth. And that may be the extent of our free will . . .

So what do you need to know? Only what you know so far:

Ministry records indicate you were born in 786, B-block; your fosteragent report is double plus beta, 67th percentile, fully functional consumer, conventional spirituality, mid-to-high pleasureprobability quotient. Econometric: 1000.